


Redemption

by TuppingLiberty



Series: Organa's Organics [26]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst/Comfort, M/M, Some old loose ends, Whatever happened to Ben?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 04:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6550729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuppingLiberty/pseuds/TuppingLiberty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of the Organa's Organics AU; Leia and OFC alternating POV.  </p>
<p>Winter has Leia feeling wistful and regretting the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Redemption

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanon casting of Cassie: Nicole Beharie

Leia was vain about virtually nothing. Oh, she wasn’t shy about much, though she’d had to promise Finn and Poe she’d lay off the nudist Sundays when Amelia started coming around. From what Meghan told her, she’d fit right in with the “body positivity” movement on the tumblr. Whatever that was. So while she was confident in her body, she was only truly vain about one thing: her hair.

As she brushed it out every night, she sometimes thought about the beautiful dark brown it used to be, back when Han had always teased her to let if flow loose like all the other flower children did. She’d fought the gray for a handful of years before Han caught on, and teased her for that, too, telling her she’d look beautiful with gray hair. So she’d let it go, let the silver streak through until her hair was a pretty light brown from the threading gray.

She rarely thought about the sensation of someone else’s fingers combing through her hair, releasing it from braids or buns or whatever updo she’d twisted it into. 

Most often, her brushing hand was automatic, and her thoughts were on the farm, or on her family. On what Poe had told her that day about the east fields, or what Caleb had said when he’d been playing with Anne.

She tried not to let her thoughts slide toward Ben, or how upset she’d been when he’d cut his long black curls in order to “appeal to the job market” when he was 16.

A quiet knock at her door interrupted her thoughts. “Come in,” she called, still brushing. In her vanity mirror she saw Anne come through the door, still in her day clothes. Leia was pretty sure that even after living in the same house as Anne for two years, she’d never seen Anne in her pajamas. The woman was perpetually dressed for company.

Anne set a mug of tea down on Leia’s vanity, then moved to sit primly on the edge of Leia’s bed. “You didn’t get your tea. I thought you’d want it.”

Leia looked over at her. “Thank you.” She obligingly set down her brush so she could take a sip of the chamomile brew that helped her sleep.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Anne looked distressed.

Leia raised an eyebrow but didn’t glance over, picking up her brush again. “What do you mean?”

“Leia, I know that we’re not… the most compatible of companions.” Leia snorted. “But since moving here I’ve been working hard to figure out the difference between stoic and repressed.” Stoic, of course, was Anne’s favorite descriptor of her late husband Findley, which meant she was thinking of how she and Findley had shut down Finn’s ability to show emotion when he was little when she said ‘repressed.’

“And you think I’m repressing, not just being the noble, silent type.”

Anne took a sip of her own nightly tea, which was a habit Leia had introduced her to. “I think something’s been bothering you for a while now, and I can’t think of another way of getting you to share without just outright asking you. So that’s what I’m doing. I am not being subtle.”

It sometimes amazed Leia that Anne was related to Finn. 

She weighed her options as she pulled the brush through one more time. Fully brushed out, the hair just tickled the base of her spine. She shook it out, then quickly pulled it into a simple braid for sleeping. She grabbed the mug and joined Anne on the bed, leaning against her headboard and pulling a foot up under her. From this angle she could just barely see the still boarded-up brewery that for legal reasons Leia couldn’t touch. She looked away sharply. “I guess I’m feeling sentimental tonight.”

Anne readjusted herself so she was facing Leia, trying, Leia supposed, to look casual but just looking extremely uncomfortable with the circumstances. She played with the pendant, the one she always wore, which Leia knew Findley had given her. “I can understand that.”

Leia didn’t respond, let the silence grow long, then finally sighed. “Lately I feel like everything is an anniversary of sorts. I remember the first time I met Han, or the first day we had sex.” Leia smiled a bit when Anne cringed. “It’s just always worse in the winter. I always feel like January is the longest month of the year. And I've let go of most of my winter duties, traded them off to Poe.”

Anne was nodding now. “The farm work, working in the earth, it renews you. Of course things seem tougher in the winter when you can’t do that.”

Sometimes Anne could be more perceptive than Leia was expecting. “It’s funny, when I was a teenager, when I first met Han, I never wanted to settle anywhere. The life of the road was the life for me. Now, I feel so tied to this place.”

“And you’ve created a place that other people feel tied to,” Anne replied, her face contemplative.

Leia thought of Ben. “Just some people.” She forced a smile when Anne looked concerned. “Don’t worry about me, Anne. I’m just feeling sentimental," she repeated.  


Anne looked unsure if she should press or not, but decided not to, getting up off the bed and heading for the door. “You know where to find me if you need me,” she said, closing Leia’s door behind her. 

Leia knew she was brooding. She  _ hated _ brooding, but maybe she was where Ben had gotten it from. She was brooding over the fact that she’d been trying to contact Ben for more than six months. She’d been trying to contact him since the moment she’d seen him in Salem, assisting a heavily pregnant woman out of a car and kissing her on the cheek.

She hadn’t told anyone what she’d seen, hadn’t speculated with anyone what it might mean. Finn and Poe were dealing with their own lives; they had three kids now, and while they were busy, they were so, so happy. Besides, it’s not like either Poe or Finn would welcome Ben as a conversation topic.

She finished her tea and settled herself, flicking off the light and willing herself to sleep.

\-------------------------------------

Cassandra Calrissian swung up into the huge pick up that was obviously a farm truck. Her brother always teased that she got up into the cab through sheer force of will, because her short stature certainly wasn’t doing the job. That was normally when she proved to her brother that short people were no less willing to defend their honor fiercely.

Her sister? She just claimed Cassie was overcompensating for her height, trying to prove herself among the boys’ club in the Ag department at Oregon State. 

She checked herself in the rearview out of habit, hastily retied her braids, a myriad of browns and tans, back into a bun. There was nothing to be done about the mud on her jeans, not that Leia would probably care. But her mother’s Southern dictates were ingrained in her, no matter how much the job she’d chosen was the opposite of anything Mother would have wanted her to do, and going to visit someone in dirty clothes was definitely a no-no. 

“Can’t be helped,” she muttered to herself, muscling the pickup into gear and driving the short distance to Organa’s Organics. 

As she pulled up to the parking lot, deserted in the winter months, Cassie watched Leia walk down the steps of the main house, bundled up in rain gear. It was sprinkling now, probably would get harder as the day went on. 

She hopped out of the truck, closing the door behind her and walking the longest strides she could to reach Leia quickly. “Leia.” She said the word, then swept the older woman up into a hug before she could think twice about it. She’d always been a hugger, something else that had been a no-no in Mrs. Calrissian’s Southern rule book as well. Cassie pulled back, arms still on Leia’s, and peered at her surprised face. “You don’t recognize me.” Undeterred, she stepped back and held out her hand. “Cassandra Calrissian. You might remember me as Cassie. You probably saw me last at,” Cassie trailed off, annoyed at herself for pausing before saying,  “... Dad’s service.” Leia had come through the receiving line, but they’d barely talked. 

A look of sadness crossed quickly over Leia’s face before she cleared it and put on a warm smile. Lando and Han had been good friends with a tumultuous relationship; bringing up her dad probably brought up Leia’s feelings about Han as well.  “Of course, Cassie. I’m sorry I didn’t place you right away.  What brings you to my farm?”

Cassie gestured away from the market building. “I know it’s raining, but Oregonians are built for that, right? Take a walk with me?”

Leia started walking, murmuring, “Sure.”

They walked down the driveway, which would take them past the split between Organa and Calrissian land. Cassie was looking out at the fields, not yet ready for planting. “It’s a depressing time of year for farmers, isn’t it?”

Leia gave a soft chuckle. “You know, I was just thinking the same thing not long ago.”

Cassie contemplated the fields, felt the yearning in her gut. “I’m going to get the land going again. The hops fields, the brewery. I wanted you to know that. I know how important Han’s legacy was to you, and now I feel like it’s my dad’s, and I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to do it before.”

Leia stopped Cassie with an hand on her shoulder. “Cassie, you don’t have to apologize. No one would have guessed that Lando would get so sick right after buying the land.” 

Cassie gave her a tentative smile. “Still, it’s not what you wanted.”

“Lando dying wasn’t what I wanted. The land could wait. It’ll be good to see something happening with it now, though.”

It was happening without the support of her family, and with the help of a large mortgage on the land. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t worried.

They turned around at the sound of hoofbeats, Leia waving to a man in a cowboy hat riding up on a pretty brown and white horse. “Everything okay here?” The man’s voice was polite enough, but Cassie could hear a tinge of protectiveness in it.

“Poe, this is Cassie Calrissian,” Leia gestured at the woman. Poe dismounted, holding out a hand. “Cassie, Poe Dameron, my farm manager, and future owner of Organa’s.” Poe seemed to pause a little at being described that way, but shook her hand warmly.

Cassie knew she gave a stronger shake than other women, but she liked to start out tough so the farm boys got past their sexist mentalities. “Glad to meet you. We’re going to be neighbors.”

Poe glanced at Leia, and she nodded. “Cassie’s going to be starting up the brewery again.”

“Do you have any experience with that?” 

Poe’s question bristled under Cassie’s skin. “Yeah, I interned last summer at Rogue. And I just graduated from OSU.” Poe had a flash of skepticism on his face before he schooled it into a kind expression, which annoyed Cassie further. Determined to prove herself to the man, she piped up with, “What school did you go to?” Her tone was overly pleasant.

“I learned what I need to know on the farm,” Poe answered easily, with an undertone of defensiveness.

Leia looked just the slightest bit exasperated with the two of them. “So, Cassie, when are you starting?”

Cassie turned deliberately away from Poe and gestured to her muddy jeans. “Already started getting caught up on winter work. It’s going to take a lot to get everything back into shape in time for spring planting.”

“Snap and I could help,” Poe volunteered, immediately looking like he hadn’t wanted to blurt that out. 

Cassie raised her eyebrows. So Poe wanted to waffle between being nice and thinking she wasn't cut out for the job? “I’ll let you know,” she replied cautiously. They started back to the house, Poe leading his horse along the drive. When they got to her pickup, Cassie needed no help drawing herself up into the cab. “Don’t be strangers, you’re always welcome at my place.”

\---------------------------

It didn’t take Leia long to take Cassie up on her offer. After being blocked from Han’s land, then not wanting to be depressed by watching it go to seed, she felt like she needed to see what Cassie was doing.

She ended up staying, helping Cassie with winter work like beating back blackberries and cleaning out fields, work that she’d given up long ago on the farm. As Leia helped clean up what she still thought of as Han’s place, she felt some of her weariness with the winter start to lift. So she made it a regular habit to go and help Cassie for a few hours a day.  Sometimes Poe joined her, or Snap and Elisa, or even Anne and Caleb or Finn and the girls, depending on the day. But most of the time, it was just Cassie and her. 

There was a small manager’s cottage on the property, which was where Cassie was staying, and most afternoons, she invited Leia back to it for tea. On this particular afternoon, though, Cassie went to the small fridge and pulled out two beers, using her keys to pop the tops off and setting one in front of Leia.

Leia raised a brow. “What’s the occasion?”

Cassie turned a chair around and straddled it, taking a sip of beer and staring intently at Leia.  “What happened between you and your son?”

Leia eyed her, took a drink of her beer, then set the bottle down deliberately. “What makes you bring the subject up?”

“Because at first I thought maybe you were bored, and that’s why you’re helping me. But you’re still sad, and the hops farm is closer to being what Han wanted it to be than it has been in the last five years. I guess I was thinking it might be related to your son, and him not being the one here fixing this place up.”

It was like it was the question Leia had been waiting for someone to ask. Her mind sighed in relief, and before she really knew what she was doing, she explained, “He drifted away from me. It felt like the more I tried to pull him closer, to keep him here, to keep him mine, the more he had to drift away, the farther he got.” Leia had never gotten so close to saying what her heart had thought all these years, that she and Ben being estranged was entirely her fault.

Cassie drank again. “My mom and I have kind of a hard relationship-”

“Are you still speaking to her?” Leia cut her off.

“Well, yeah, I mean, not much lately, because I’ve been busy, but if I didn’t call her at least on Sundays, she’d throw a fit.”

“I haven't really spoken to my son in over four years. He doesn’t approve of what I do, of where I come from, of what I’ve done in the past. Since he was a pre-teen it felt like he was trying to be the adult in our family.” Leia ran a hand over her hair, circled in a braid around her head, smoothing it out. Her hand was shaking a little when she grabbed the beer from the table. “I miss him.” A drink of beer. “I’ve never said that aloud before. He- He doesn’t have a lot of friends here at the farm,” she said sarcastically. “I wouldn’t feel right saying that to Poe or Finn, not after what he did to them. But I miss him, so much. I miss my boy.” Leia felt a tear well up, drop, and roll over her cheek. 

Cassie reached out, laid a comforting hand on Leia’s knee. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.

\------------------------------------

Cassie opened the door to the accounting firm with trepidation. She wasn’t sure she was making the right decision here, but she’d already fallen in love with Leia Organa, like a gentler version of her mom, and she wanted to help the older woman. 

She strode confidently to the receptionist. “I have an appointment with Mr. Solo. I’d like to be a new client.” She was directed to sit, but she didn’t have to wait long before the receptionist led her back to Ben’s office.

She didn’t know why she was expecting Ben to recognize her, they’d only met a few times as kids, and he didn’t, a pleasant smile she knew was for clients resting on his face. He looked different than the picture Leia had showed him. Of course, that picture had been from high school. He’d been clean cut, wearing a tie and suit coat and holding up an award for FBLA.  

He looked... _ softer _ …now, Cassie decided. His hair was longer, black and curling at the edges around his ears. He’d grown into his ears and nose, just enough to make him skirt the edge of handsome. He had one of those faces that was just odd enough to be attractive. Oh, and he was at least a foot taller than her.  


He held out a hand, shook Cassie’s, and indicated to one of the client seats across from his desk. “I’m afraid Stephanie only got your first name, Cassandra…”

Well, he’d recognize her now. “Calrissian. Everyone calls me Cassie but my mother, though.” She smiled a little when his eyes widened. “Yes,  _ that _ Calrissian.”

Ben sat abruptly. “So Lando was your…”

“My father,” she responded quietly, sitting as well.

“My condolences.” He looked away, to a framed photo that Cassie couldn’t see the subject of. “Is this… are you here to… why are you here?”

Cassie continued confidently. “Well, I’m going to be hiring staff soon, for planting, for summer work. It would be useful to have an accountant.” 

He just struck her with a baleful stare. “Cassandra, why are you here? Did Poe send you? Or that lawyer husband of his?”

“I’m here because of your mom.”

He sat up a little straighter. “Is something wrong? Surely Poe would have called me if-”

“No,” she rushed to reassure him. “No, nothing’s wrong. I mean, nothing life threatening. Why haven’t you called her back?”

A brooding look crossed his face. “She doesn’t really want me back.”

Cassie was unable to stop herself from rolling her eyes. “So, if you thought she wanted to talk to you, you’d contact her?”

Ben turned, looking out his office window. “The last time I was on that farm… I’ve done bad things, I know that now, but I’m not looking for forgiveness.” Cassie was fairly sure he hadn’t intended for her to hear the next part. “I don’t deserve forgiveness.”

Her mother had always complained that the whole Solo-Organa family could be overly dramatic. Apparently that rang true with her generation as well. “Listen, Ben. Can I call you Ben?” She plowed forward anyway. “Listen. What if you met on neutral ground? No Poe, no  _ Finn _ ,” she overemphasized the name because it had annoyed her he hadn’t used it, “Just your mother, you, and me, I can act as a neutral party. I wasn’t here when shit went down. I just want Leia to stop being sad.”

She could tell he was still brooding. “I’ll be your client for real. You can help me figure out exactly how I’m going to start paying my mortgage back. I have all kinds of numbers, I’m sure it will be thrilling for you.” She smiled sweetly.

The corners of his mouth tipped from frowning to neutral, which Cassie took as a victory.  After a few more moments of silence, he nodded. “Did you have a time and place in mind?”

\--------------------------------

“This place is lovely, Cassie.” Leia glanced around the small Corvallis tea house and bookstore. It was cozy, comforting.

“This was my favorite hangout during school,” Cassie admitted.

Leia smiled broadly. “Had I gone to college, I think I probably would have been drawn to something a little different, but I can see the appeal.”

She began to take a drink of her orange pekoe tea out of the dainty china cup when a tall figure caught her eye and she did a double take. The cup clattered back into its plate as Leia put a hand to her throat. “Ben?” She stood.

It was. It was him. Her son, who she’d only seen from a distance once in the last five years. He stood by Cassie’s chair, awkward and uncomfortable. She held her arms wide, though she didn’t really expect him to come to her.

He did. Before she could say his name again, he was slipping his arms around hers, her head hitting his chest. He quickly released her, though, and sat down. “Uh, hi,” he said in a low voice.

Leia collapsed back into her chair, but Cassie sat forward. “I hope you’re not mad that I interfered, Leia.”

Leia couldn’t take her eyes off of Ben, and so she didn’t miss the brief look of fondness that passed over Ben’s face as he flicked his eyes at Cassie, then back at her. “I’m not mad, Cassie.”

“Cassandra came to see me a few days ago. She thought that...she made it seem like you’d be willing to forgive me?” Ben’s eyes were pleading.

“I...you want to be forgiven?”

Ben looked over at Cassie again, and Leia thought it was very interesting that she nodded, encouraging him. “I don’t go to Snoke’s church anymore. After what I did to Finn, I was never able to sit with Snoke’s explanation that what I did was okay. I still go to a church, but they’re much more live and let live.”

Leia reached over to lay a hand on the armrest of Ben’s chair, not quite bold enough to touch him yet. “Live and let live, eh? Sounds kind of hippyish to me.” She gave a small half smile, and winked at him. “But I called you months ago, and you never called me back,” Leia said, implying a question.

Ben blushed. “I kept trying to work up the courage to ask for forgiveness, and for forgiveness for selling Dad’s land. But I’m not strong enough.”

Cassie made a small dismissive sound. “You’re strong enough now.”

“I called because I saw you, with a woman. A pregnant woman. I thought maybe you had gotten married, were starting a family without telling me.”

Ben’s eyes widened. “No, I don’t know… it must have been a client?” He covered Leia’s hand with his own. “I’d like to think that I would have called you before making any changes like that.” His smile was weak, but it was there, and Cassie’s smile was on full brights now, and so Leia smiled back.

“I don’t want to go so long without talking to you again, Benny.” Leia kicked herself internally for using the nickname he had told her he hated. “I’m sorry, I mean Ben.”

Ben gave a little deep chuckle. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. I don’t want to either. But… Poe and Finn. Won’t I upset them if I come around?”

Leia nodded. “I’m not going to lie to you. You’ll have to ask forgiveness there as well. If you don’t think that’s something you can do… well, we could talk on the phone, but Ben, you don’t want to live with guilt for so long, or it eats you alive. I know.”

“And you might have to accept that they won’t forgive you,” Cassie added. 

Leia looked her son in the eyes. “I can try to make it work with them if you’re willing to try too.”

He swallowed, and nodded. “I want to come home, Mom.”

**Author's Note:**

> Boozeleprechaun and several other users had asked me questions about the brewery and Ben, so I thought a Leia POV would best take care of that. And then Cassie came into being, and I really enjoyed writing her, so hopefully you liked it.
> 
> I know I didn't really resolve everything; you can almost think of this as like a prequel to more Poe/Finn centric fics on how they deal with these developments. 
> 
> If you're worried that Leia forgave Ben too quickly, don't forget that all Leia really wanted was Ben back. He's going to have to work a bit harder if he wants to convince Poe and Finn.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated, and you are always welcome to hit me up on tumblr @animalasaysrauer


End file.
